Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
