Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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