Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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