I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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