I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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