there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
