dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
