you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
