so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's the barista slut.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize