Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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