So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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