Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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