I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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