Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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