the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
