Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
there is glitter all over my balls
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
