Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
