Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
