i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
