and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
