Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
