also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize