I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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