I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize