Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
