Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
