the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
