Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
