once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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