did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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