Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
