You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize