Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
