while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
