Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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