He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
