Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
