Who wears a wallet chain?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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