I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
