Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
