Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
