FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
