I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
