i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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