Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
