Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
