When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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