I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
