Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
