what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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