Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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