Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
