she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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