I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
