your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
