God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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