He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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