I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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