Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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