If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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