so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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