good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
