The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
