i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need moral support for this bender
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
