a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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