So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I didn't notice because vodka
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
