he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
