I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
