are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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