No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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