Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
