I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
