So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
