i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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