So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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