I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
pop tarts are not kleenex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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