I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
