Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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