i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this will be a night to untag.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
