I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
