You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
