you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
